How do you know whether you're ready to get a divorce? Filing for a divorce, whether you reside in Washington or another state marks an emotionally traumatic transition. One psychotherapist writes that her ready-to-divorce clients usually realize a sense of doom, almost like death, overtaking them. However, no one can advise another-- it's a personal decision that may or may not register for any particular person under the circumstances. The therapist gives some suggested pointers below to help you decide.
Indeed, divorce will carry regrets. There are too many ties, memories and obligations to make it a smooth ride. And, in some cases it's painful to transition the children. One thing is for sure: many people contemplate and regurgitate their feelings for a while prior to coming to a decision.
One signal that something's seriously wrong is when you're always pondering whether you're in a happy marriage. Even knowing that you're in a decidedly unhappy marriage doesn't bring decisiveness. According to the above-mentioned psychotherapist, many people simply prolong the inevitable by wheel-spinning procrastination that gets them nowhere.
She also gives three general signposts for knowing to move forward. One is where you always try to convince your spouse that your perspective on the marriage is the correct one. Your need to convince the other that you know exactly why the marriage went wrong is an exercise in futility and frustration.
Another sign is if you're trying to convince the other to stay in the marriage despite that spouse's adamant wishes to get out. Conversely, you can't convince your spouse that divorce is right when he or she believes that it will destroy him or her. Leave quickly at this point or waste your time.
Finally, if you're constantly blaming each other, you've hit bottom. If you've tried everything to no avail, it's over. If your life begins to feel like a dark shroud of doom it may be time to take the dreaded steps into the light. Whether you live in Washington or elsewhere, you'll be best served at that point by focusing instead on consulting with divorce counsel to become fully informed, planning the transition for the children if necessary and organizing financial issues for a divorce settlement.